Life...

So it's been a really long time since I've posted on here...there's so many feelings and things that have happened since my last post. Today though has been essentially hard to want to get up and even do anything. Despite the weather or the huge pile of laundry needing to be washed and clothes being put away. So a little update on my life first of all is that I am working two jobs right now. I work at an elementary school as a reading coordinator to help kids who aren't reading at grade level. I also got my first official CNA job which is quite exciting. It had been about three years since I had stopped working in the nursing field and boy have I missed it. I also registered for school so I can take my prerequisites for the LVN program. I will be doing school over the summer so I won't be so overwhelmed. I think once I get my LVN I want to work at a school as a Nurse. I know it might be in a while but I won't give up. Honestly though I feel like we as human beings don't give ourselves enough credit for how much we go through. We each have our own past and struggles but we all have our own goals and dreams. Everyone can have a the same set goal, but only we know what we have to endure and work on to be able to reach our goal. The struggles that I am going through won't be the same struggles as another classmate. We need to give ourselves credit for each stepping stone we've achieved towards our final goal. I know my journey won't be easy and I will have to make several sacrifices, but up until now I have already realized I'm much stronger than what I thought I was. Give yourself the credit you deserve and be glad you've gotten so far. I just don't know how I'm expected to live the rest of my life missing my beautiful daughter. There is not a day that goes by where I think how I wish she could be here right now. There's people who I wish she could meet, and even classmates who still ask about her to this day. There's happy moments that I wish I could physically share with her because I know she's near in spirit but it's not the same. Her brothers that want to know if they're doing or acting just the way she was at that age, and surprisingly they do remind me so much of her at such random times. It's crazy how after you've been through so much loss you are always wondering or taking things to extreme measures. I always fear that I might not be able to see any of my kid live past the age of five. I really hope that's not the case but it is a fear that I have. I want to be able to see my kids grow up, graduate, get a career that they genuinely love, and have a family of their own. I know they are young now but I am doing my best for them. Their happiness is my priority and making sure that they know and feel how much I Love them. Crazily enough Enrique my four year old just got in his head that he wants to go to New York City. It's crazy because that had always been one of my brothers goal before he passed. I am so excited that they are wanting to travel. I know that I am going to try my best so that we can get to travel as a family. These two boys are what keeps me going and want better for myself. I know they don't have the easiest life ever but I know they appreciate and are very thankful for everything that we do for each other. So I guess I will get up and make the best of today with them. Thank you for reading my posts this has helped me so much when I just need to write and pour my feelings out. Love your family and enjoy the little moments in life! Happy Saturday 🙂