This post has to do with the question of: What do you now find difficult to do that you didn't before you lost your child? I'm sure just like every family everyone has a particular bedtime routine. Well I considered myself horrible at bedtimes because we wouldn't and still don't have a set time in which we had to be in bed by. The one thing which even up to this day I find so hard to do is read my boys a bedtime story. It used to be such an enjoyable family moment where we would all lay in bed together and share that time together. Every night either Elizette or Enrique would choose a book out of the many we had & we would read. I still remember during the week that we were staying in the hospital we slept in a hotel one night. I remember Enrique handing me a book & asking me to read it. Even before he asked I could feel my eyes fill with tears & all I could do was hug him & cry. That had become our routine & his feeling of safety or normality. That night I just remember telling him that I was sorry but I couldn't read the story. I told him we could look through the pictures and see what it was about. I try my best to push myself to get back into this routine,but for now it is an obstacle that I haven't yet been able to overcome. One other thing which has been very difficult for me to enjoy doing now that I used to enjoy before is birthday parties. I remember there was so much excitement and hard work being put into all the ideas. Making candy bags was a process like if we had our candy bag factory. We would line up all the candies and form a line & we would just send the bag down the line with everybody putting one to two candies into the bag. We would finish so fast & it was so much fun to do this as a family. Just to see the excitement in their faces was amazing. It was not an easy task when Ethan's birthday came around to gather the strength to celebrate a birthday party. It wasn't an easy task to do especially when they cancelled the use of the community room the week of the party. I am glad to say I was able to get through that obstacle & just in the blink of an eye am now faced with planning another birthday party soon. My kids have and will always be my pride & joy this is why I am trying so hard to be strong through these difficult obstacles that I'm faced with. Enjoy the little things in life because they will bring you the greatest joy. Kids want and need our time and undivided attention they are not interested in the latest trend toy as much as making memories with their parents. Love your kids & enjoy whatever routine or special bonding time you've created with them. They will always love thinking back to those memories.
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